Dating, Marriage & Expectations

I recently began reading a book called “The Sacred Search” and let me tell you that it is challenging everything I thought I knew about dating.

It’s challenging my perspective on “the right person” and it’s challenging many of my expectations about marriage and my future spouse.

I’m not really into astrology but I do believe that the astrological traits associated with Pisces women as being dreamy is SPOT ON, and here’s why…

When it comes to love, I’ve always been a very “dreamy” girl with fairytale-like desires about the things I want my husband to do and say some day.

For years, I’ve heard married friends explain that a lot of those dreamy, fairytale interactions go out the door once you jump the broom but I’m always the girl who’s thinking “not me” while they’re talking.  In my mind, I’m always the exception and I believe my husband and my marriage will be different.  I’ve felt this way for many years so imagine how difficult it was to come to terms with this when I learned the author of “The Sacred Search” shared a similar take on marital relationships.  In fact, he devotes a significant amount of time to helping singles decipher between infatuation and love in the first few chapters of the book.

The first 60 pages quickly helped me to realize the need to reevaluate some of my expectations regarding my husband–specifically those that are attached to feelings of infatuation and not love.

For example, when I think (daydream) about my husband, he’s this beautiful, strong man who’s not easily angered, he’s oober romantic, fun-hearted and he’s good in the kitchen, lol.

Nearly every thought of him is associated with a level of perfection but zero thought and consideration is given to his imperfections and flaws. For example, I don’t ever daydream or think of falling in love with someone whose love language is not shown through words (like mine is).  I don’t imagine someone who struggles with fear; someone who is the son or sibling of a recovering alcoholic; someone with PTSD; or someone who simply drools or talks in his sleep.  Nope, I think about the sweet, loving, fine man who’s described above.

I rarely take time to ask God to allow me to see my spouse through his eyes because I’m often looking and hoping through my own eyes.  I’m always praying for the mate with no flaws or issues.

Like I said, I’m only four chapters into The Sacred Search but it’s truly challenging me to reconsider my take on dating by forcing me to identify what I “want” in a spouse versus what I “need.”

I want my husband to be drop-dead fine but is that truly a need?  Will his looks change the way he loves me, prays for me, or cares for me and our children?  Will his looks make him a better father or a better steward over our finances?  Will his looks make him pursue humility instead of pride?

I’m revisiting many of my expectations and re-evaluating a few things, and it’s an eye-opener!

If you are single and you desire to get married, I highly encourage you to read The Sacred Search.  You may think you have it all together but I guarantee that you will be challenged to reconsider and reevaluate the ideals and beliefs of your dating system.

Book Purchase Details: I purchased my copy from a local Barnes&Noble but you can find it just about anywhere!





  • Joshua Paul Copeland
    October 27, 2016

    Great great great! I’m a Pisces myself but like you I don’t lean completely astrology. But the dreamy thing is true for sure and it’s good to know that I’m not the only one who has thought this way about dating and marriage. There’s a bit of wisdom the Lord gave me a while back that might be something that can help you too.

    Flaws are inevitable so you won’t find a spouse without them. When you start dating someone eventually their true colors come out. A relationship coinsler told me that the average time it takes for someone to show their true colors is 90 days (which is a good reason to wait on getting physical with someone). So the real question when knowing if you have the one or not is asking yourself the question…If this flaw of theirs never changes can I still see myself with that person?

    Idk if that helped but it’s helped me not be so dreamy. All the external things are important but it’s overcoming the flaws that make a marriage successful. Good post Erika!

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      November 2, 2016

      I love the insight from my married friends. It truly helps to put things into perspective and move away from the lah-lah land of love!

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      November 2, 2016

      That’s such a great question! I once heard a pastor say the same in a sermon. Our answer to that question is a real eye-opener and lets us know if it’s love or infatuation that we feel. Moreover, it lets us know if we’re truly compatible with the person.

      Ultimately, I do believe God can give us the “fairytale” marriage but it will look much different than how we imagined because the story will be written by him instead of our own imagination/ideas. The key for me is staying open to God’s plans and not my own when it comes to the “ideal mate.”

      Hope you’re enjoying Belize buddy!

  • Mia Grant
    October 27, 2016

    Hi Erica, I too am a Pisces Lady snd my expectations/ Reality of a marriage was warped. God has prunned and purged things in me to help realize marriage is not what I’ve been thinking. AND he has surrounded me in a circle of Married girlfriends so that I can hear their situations and some of their conflict resolutions..My view has changed thats for sure.

  • Payton Lane
    October 31, 2016

    I’m reading Sacred Marriage right now!

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      November 2, 2016

      I’ve read great reviews about that one!

Drop me a line!


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