There’s something about an unexpected breakup that tempts you to rethink, reevaluate and reflect on the relationship.
What could I have done differently?
What if I never said this…
What if we never did that…
Why didn’t I see it coming?
For women, it’s all about closure and for men, it’s just trying to make sense out of losing his “dream girl.”
“I thought she was the one.”
“He was so different.”
“I just need to know why.”
We have internal dialogues with God to help make sense out of the confusion in our heart but it rarely gets us anywhere so we turn to social media.
We scan his Facebook profile. We lurk on her Instagram tags and photos. We browse his tweets, and hope we don’t get caught reviewing her Snapchat feed.
We do all of these things, but wonder why we can’t seem to get over a person. No wonder the breakup struggle is so real. We know that looking and snooping will only end in regret but something in us just can’t hold back.
We want to know if his girlfriend is cuter. We want to see if the new guy is more accomplished. We want to know if he seems happy with the new girl.
We know we’re gonna be heartbroken when we see him smiling in that pic with his new girl.
And, our world will be ripped to shreds if and when we find out he’s engaged so, why even look?
I’m no expert but I believe we look because we’re not convinced that the breakup was part of God’s plan. Deep down inside, we believe things were supposed to go our way and we doubt God knows what He’s doing. I know this to be true because these are the thoughts that held my heart captive after so many breakups. Sometimes, I just wasn’t ready to let go but if I could go back in time, I’d do things a lot differently.
The truth of the matter is, whether or not we agree with God’s decision to allow that relationship to end, it’s usually almost always for our own good. He knows the end in the beginning and He authors time so He knows when something needs to start and when it should end.
When we’re not convinced that relationship should end, we usually almost always do what we can to hold on. But as you will soon see, holding on requires us to look back. Looking back requires us to miss what’s in front of us. Missing what’s in front of us make it impossible to grasp what God has planned for us.
So today, if you ever needed a reason to stop looking back, here are 7 to help you begin to move forward and move on from that old thing that’s behind you!
1. You will never be able to embrace your future if you’re clinging to your past: Ever notice how quickly sprinters glance back when grabbing the baton from their teammate? It happens in a split second. Any longer and they risk losing speed and losing their race. The same applies to you and I. When we repeatedly focus on what’s behind us, we risk missing out on the greater glory that’s in store.
2. The man of your man of your dreams is not attracted to a woman who’s attached to her nightmares: I’ve never met a man who asked God to bless him with a woman who’s stuck on her ex. Girl, move on!
3. It’s killing your confidence: Whole people attract whole people. Your future spouse wants someone who is ready and able to love him completely, with nothing missing or lacking.
4. It’s making your faith waver: Let’s be real, every time you try to figure out why the relationship didn’t work out, you end up feeling confused and doubtful. You begin to lose hope in the desires of your heart and you begin to doubt God’s plan. Get rid of the doubt, part ways with the confusion. Move forward.
5. It’s delaying your healing: focusing on your past is like picking at an open wound. The wound begins to heal once you leave it alone. Your heart will begin to heal when you leave your past behind you.
6. It’s costing you sleep and time: besides long lists of unanswered questions, what else have you achieved by focusing on your past? Nothing. Catch up some zzzz’s and earn some extra time by leaving those problems behind you.
7. It’s not helping you: I dare you to name one blessing and one benefit you’ve gained from focusing on the past. I’m like 99.999999% sure that you can’t name a blessing or benefit. The future is where the blessings are; focus on your future.
I could go on and on with this list but I think you get the point. Looking back serves no fruitful purpose and it is incapable of producing any lasting fruit. Its roots are old and its soil is dry. No good thing will ever spring forth.
In the bible, Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt (See Genesis 19:26). She crumbled. She dried up. She ceased to exist. Sounds a bit extreme but it happened. One look back and her future was erased from time. Let’s stay fertile and ripe for God’s fruit. Let’s focus on the future and let go of the past.