Why I Fell In Love…

“I fell in love with him because of his heart and his character.”

These are the words I want to share with others when asked why I chose to marry my husband. Now don’t get me wrong, of course I want my husband to be tall, extremely handsome, humorous and fun (lol) but more importantly,  I want his heart to reflect the love and character of Jesus.

In the past, I didn’t always look for the guy with the pure heart.  I’m not saying I purposely looked for guys with tainted hearts but I definitely compromised my values, lowered my standards and settled during a few seasons of dating. Consequently, I didn’t always make the best selections when dating.

Instead of dating kind-hearted men, I seemed to be attracted to the smooth, handsome guy with more game than the NBA and more lines than your favorite poet.  The guy whose words could soothe my insecurities and affirm the value I longed to feel.  On the inside, I knew those relationships wouldn’t last but I prayed for them to work anyway.  In the end, I was in relationships that lacked direction and I shared my heart with guys who had undefined intentions.

At times, I knew it was time to let go of those relationship but…“He was so fine.” “He was different.” “He was better than the last guy I dated.”  Worst of all…“he had so much potential.”

I allowed so many of these exterior distractions to dismantle my fearfully and wonderfully made interior; but thankfully that was then and this is now.

Today, my understanding of love and relationships is much different. My walk with Christ is now intentional and as a result, the handling of my heart is also intentional.  Unlike then, I am willing to take my time.  Today, I look beyond the surface of infatuation and excitement and I look into a man’s heart when meeting him.

My eyes and heart are now focused on the unseen things such as character and integrity.

  • Is he the same man when no one else is looking?
  • Does he seek to put himself before others?
  • Is he generous with his time and resources?
  • Is his home (family) more important than his accolades and notoriety?
  • Does he fast?
  • Does he pray?
  • Does he worship?
  • Is his conversation with me pure or does it lead me to a place of distraction and temptation?

Instead of measuring his love against the relationships of my past, his love is measured against the heart of God, and his potential is based upon his desire and ability to walk in his purpose

  • Is he doing what God has called him to do?
  • Is he utilizing his gifts and talents?
  • Does his life’s work honor God?

I am now found in Christ and I am not easily lured by pretty words and fancy speech.  My eyes and ears are in tune with the heart of God and so are the desires of my heart.  In contrary to times past, the guy with arms wide open and an abandoned heart is now the most attractive man in the room.  The man whose goals are aligned with his purpose is most intriguing.  The man whose steps are unapologetically ordered and guided by God is the most desirable.

Of course, physical attraction and aesthetics are still keys to catching my eyes but they are not sufficient to hold my attention or commitment in a relationship as they were in the past.

In the days following our vows at the altar, I desire for our marriage to be a source of inspiration and encouragement to believers.  Most of all, I desire for our union to exemplify that God’s best is both possible and beautiful when we do things His way.

I want to fall in love with my husband because his heart, his character and his integrity were the best parts about him.


Willing to Wait 🙏🏻

  • Courtney W
    March 31, 2016

    Beautiful Erika! I think many women, including me, can relate to your heightened awareness of Gods desire for marriage, who we are in Christ, and what a Godly man should look like. He won’t be perfect but He will definitely show Godly character that we don’t have to develop, it will already be present. Thank you for continuing to faithfully share your story!

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      March 31, 2016

      It’s been such a journey! It’s so amazing to see how much I’ve developed and learned in the past few years. In recent months, God has truly challenged me to look beyond the exterior and pay more attention to the unseen things. It’s such a walk of faith!

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