Coffins…when I read this word the first things that come to mind are The Adams Family, dust, and the color black.

To be exact, an image of an old black, wooden, dusty coffin with squeaky hinges and a rusty lock pops into my mind–you know like something from an old black & white movie, lol.

Anyhow, a few days ago, I was out to dinner with a girlfriend when, of course the topic of dating and relationships made its way into our conversation.  We began to discuss how God seems to expedite the marriage bus for some women while taking others through a marathon of singleness.  As we laughed and joked about our looooong journeys as singles, this idea of coffins came to mind.  Not a coffin in the sense of a deceased ex-boyfriend or ex-fiance but rather, places of emotional unavailability.

Often times we think we’re ready to be someone’s wife but on the inside, we’re operating like the walking dead with coffins in our hearts.  On the inside, these coffins are carrying the broken promises, pains and disappointments of the past; and we’re just waiting for the “right man” to open the latch and free the daemons that once daunted and hurt us.

From time to time, we may catch ourselves thinking and saying things like…

“I’m so tired of games.  I can’t wait to finally let my guard down with someone.”

“I can’t wait to finally love and trust someone again.”

“Once I meet my husband, I’ll finally be able to be the real me.”

We fantasize about the way “the right one” will come into our lives and magically erase the pain and the fears that we’ve buried inside the coffins of our hearts.

There’s a coffin from Frank;  a coffin from Sean; a coffin from the miscarriage with Leo; and a coffin from the abortion and heartbreak with Edward.

Photo Credit: Unknown

Photo Credit: Unknown

How many coffins will the man of our dreams have to dig through before reaching our hearts?  Lions, tigers and bears…oh my, what danger and baggage awaits the husbands, fiances and boyfriends who desire to court us and marry us.  Is that angel truly responsible for freeing the daemons and monsters of our past?

My thoughts and my heart say “no” but I too have been guilty of waiting for “the one” to carry and discard the weight of my past, so I totally get it.  However, scripture says “where the spirit of Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17). This means, there’s a home for spiritual peace and joy, and that home can become our hearts when we invite God into it.

The reality of the situation is that none of us will ever be completely free of baggage but we certainly don’t have to be hoarders of it either.

The season of singlehood is a great time to invite and enjoy spiritual freedom, and it’s a great place to let freedom run wild.  Now is the time to peel back the doors of those old dusty coffins and let God’s freedom have its way with your heart. Transform those coffins of mourning into resting places of joy. Release the daemons of the past and begin to live and love undaunted.

Prayer: God I know you have a plan for my life that supersedes the pain of my past. Today, I open my heart to you and I release the pain.  Use my time as a single woman to purify my heart from the inside out. I release unforgiveness upon the lives of those who have hurt me and I declare restoration in the areas of my heart that have been broken.  With each day, renew my spirit and awaken my joy.  In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.


  • Roselyn
    March 24, 2016

    Great post Erika! A heart that is not healed is like having an open sore. Healing through Christ is how wounds of the heart can be treated. God’s healing casts out all our fears of loving again and allowing someone in. A way to know if one is truly healed, is when one is not afraid to love and living in hope with the excitement to love again. Hope in Christ doesn’t put one to shame!!! We have been assured this in Romans 5 ” And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      March 25, 2016

      So good Rozzy! Yesss to all of this!!!

  • Courtney W
    March 31, 2016

    Amen! Healing in the area of romantic relationships is so important. Many of us also have to heal hurts from a variety of places, other people, family members, and the like. We are wise to deal with these open wounds in the time we have as singles so we can be better prepared to serve the one God sends us.

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      March 31, 2016

      Yes! In fact, I often think we underestimate those wounds from family members but those often play a large role in our behaviors in romantic relationships! Such a great point!

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