The other day, I happened to be channel surfing when I came across one of America’s favorite shows “The Bachelor.” Ordinarily, I would’ve skipped past The Bachelor but a part of me was unusually curious that evening so I decided to check it out for a bit.
For years, I’ve deliberately ignored The Bachelor and have done so with a bit of a judgy tone with thoughts about the show like “it’s so silly”–“it’s ridiculous”–“I don’t see why these girls put themselves through this on national tv.” In it’s 15th year run, I’ve probably only seen 3-4 episodes, including the one I watched a few nights ago.
However the least interesting show caught my attention a few nights ago when I heard one of the contestants say “I was so ready to be a wife.” It was the episode before the season finale and The Bachelor had finally narrowed down his prospects to three lovely women. All three women had fallen in love with The Bachelor and had professed their love to him, but unfortunately his feelings were only mutual towards two of the three women.
The Bachelor explained his “deep connection” to two of the women and a slight disconnect with the third woman. He described his heightened sense of energy, passion and happiness when he was around two of the women but struggled to articulate the same for this third woman. He liked her but he just wasn’t “in love with her.”
The time had come for The Bachelor to deliver the unpleasant news and inform the third woman that she was not the one.
“I like you, I just don’t see a future with you.”
He dealt the blow, and with red eyes and a wet face the woman sobbed “I was just so ready to be a wife…I was ready to be his wife.”
I didn’t know this woman from this Steve (as the old saying goes) but in that moment, I knew her pain and understood her feelings like the daydreams of marriage I once dreamt. I recognized her sob and I understood tears because I had been there before. Once upon a time, I too had tried to make sense of an unexpected breakup because I had been ready to be someone’s wife and when things didn’t go as planned, I too sat in a room with red eyes and a wet face.
For the first time in forever, The Bachelor was no longer a ridiculous show, it was a little bit real. It was relatable in a sense and I empathized with the woman who was not chosen by the one she desired.
At some point in time, each of us as women will experience the harsh reality of rejection. Whether through work, business, social circles or in romantic relationships, we will be picked last or not at all and it will hurt. In the moments when we are not chosen, the most valuable thing we can remember is that we were first chosen by God. When you know that you have been chosen by God everything else has a way of being centered around his love. The rejection, the unreciprocated love and the breakups have a way of making sense. Those moments of truth help to expedite the healing process. You soon realize that every bad experience was designed to work for an even greater purpose.
Like the woman on The Bachelor, sometimes the rejection and unrequited love takes place after you were ready to be some man’s wife but things didn’t workout. That experience can deal a deafening blow to your heart and self-image, and can even prompt you to question yourself from the inside out.
“Am I not good enough?”
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Did I love too hard or not enough?”
“Why not me?”
In our minds, none of it makes sense. We may rack our brains for days and weeks trying to understand that man’s decision but the answer may never come. Therefore, we must always know our worth and we must seek God before giving away our heart and fantasizing about being someone’s wife. Our ways, plans, and love interests seem right to us but only God can direct our steps (Proverbs 21:2). The truth is you may be purposed to be someone’s wife, just not that man’s wife and not right now. Only One man can prepare you for the honor and responsibility of being someone’s wife. Allow Him to direct your path and dare to trust Him with your heart (Psalms 37:4).
Promise not to awaken love until the time is right…
(Song of Solomon 2:7)