A few weeks ago, the hearts of single women across the nation were cooing and ooing as they heard Russell Wilson announce that he and his gorgeous girlfriend, pop star singer Ciara, would be abstaining from sex until marriage.
It was a bold declaration that literally broke the Internet and buzzed at the top of dozens of news feeds on social media for days! The world couldn’t believe that a man that fine, that strong, that popular, and that iconic would be willing to wait for sex and then, so bold to share it with the world.
It was a moment that made women smile and feel at ease about their decision to wait. It was a moment that caused men and women to reassure themselves that they weren’t alone in the struggle to abstain—and it felt good.
A few days after the buzz of Russell and Ciara’s announcement fizzled out, the local radio waves in Houston, Texas, were going haywire after a man announced that he was a 31-year old virgin, living in Las Vegas, Nevada, and waiting until marriage to have sex.
Shocked and intrigued, a female radio host asked “so you’re 31 years old, living in Vegas, in shape, a fraternity brother, attractive, handsome…why are you waiting?” Familiar to these type of questions, the young man explained that his decision was the result of his relationship with Christ. It was a commitment he’d made long ago, and he’d come too far to stop now.
I was cutting a sharp exit off the highway while rushing to an 8:30am court appearance when I heard the broadcast in my car. I had 10 minutes to spare in order to park and hike dust to the courthouse but I was so drawn to the radio interview, that I contemplated being late just to hear a few minutes more! Lol.
In my mind, I was thinking…“wait, first Russell…now this man!” “Okay Jesus, I get you…I’m definitely more enthused about being single now!” Lol! It was just the boost of encouragement I needed as my wishy-washy emotions are often asking “when God, when?” (the single, abstinent life can be real sometimes y’all! Don’t front like you don’t feel me!) lol!
Anyhow, what was even more captivating was learning that this gentleman has a blog. Additionally, he created a movement called LAYOP (Live At Your Own Pace), that encourages men and women to pursue their dreams and goals, as well as, their purity! (You can check it out here)
Between the announcements of this young man & Russell, I was feeling extra happy about all of those ugly relationships of the past that hadn’t panned out as hoped. So God, this is why you didn’t want me to sweat those breakups, huh? You truly do have greater in store than those relationships I was willing to settle for…
An euphoric sense of hope began to rise up within me!
Days after my high of abstinence calmed down, my gears were still turning and I began to wonder, if men and women would be willing to abstain from kissing while dating. I’d always heard about couples who had committed to this but I’d never done it myself so I was just curious.
Would that be a stretch for a man to commit to? Would that be too extreme, radical or crazy for even a saved man? I wanted to know so I decided to pose a question to my friends on Facebook.
The question read:
What would people say??? I was anxious to hear the opinions of men and women.
Within minutes, my timeline flooded with comments from readers who were young, old, unbelievers, believers, married and single!
“You have to test drive the car before you drive it.”
“I’m too old to be teaching a grown man how to kiss.”
“I couldn’t handle it.”
“That’s too extreme.”
The responses varied vastly and were quite entertaining at times. There was even a meme poking fun at the man who died waiting for a kiss, lol! The question truly brought out the comic relief in people! But not everyone. Just as I glanced down the streaming rows of “no” I stumbled across the responses of a few gentlemen who answered “yes.” Within 24 hours a handful of other young men also said “yes”…they were willing to wait for a kiss. These were handsome, single, saved men who were willing to wait not just for sex…but also for a kiss.
I was moved by their transparency and honesty so I decided to probe them a bit further on their reasons why. I wanted to discover the root of their desire to wait for a kiss and I wanted to share it with the ladies who were looking for like-minded men.
When asked the reason why they were willing to wait, these were some of the responses:
“I decided I was willing to wait until marriage when I began removing my way of thinking and replacing it with God’s. I realized sex was not a bad thing, but that type of intimacy was made to be shared between a man and a woman inside the union of marriage. Waiting is important to me because it represents my commitment to my relationship with God and one day the relationship with my wife. It also lays some groundwork in terms of establishing the discipline to resist temptation. In my previous relationship I made the request that we don’t kiss and she agreed with me. I learned to value the many other aspects of intimacy between myself and a woman. It also allowed me to establish a solid friendship to build on because the physical part of the relationship was removed.”
“I am willing to wait because every good thing is worth waiting for and it also honors God. James 1:14-15 says: ‘14 that each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire conceives and brings forth sin, and when sin reaches maturity it gives birth to death.’ Everything starts in the heart. What you place value on is what will be important to you. Whether it is food, cars, bags, etc…,if that is what you desire it can lead you down the wrong path if it is not pure. Physical intimacy is a beautiful thing when the union of two bodies become one…in marriage. Oneness is God ordained. God made the union of man and woman to express exclusivity and oneness so, when we engage in any form of intimacy that can lead to sin we lose that connection with God and feel bad within ourselves. I always say that when something God created works, it works very well. So, waiting has many benefits other than just having fun and enjoying the other person.”
Reading the responses of these men was uplifting and encouraging. Just as with Russell Wilson and the handsome 31-year old virgin (Worth The Wait Guy), there are truly godly men who desire to walk beside you in your journey of purity. They desire to honor your body at all costs. They desire to protect your heart from temptation and from destructive behaviors. They want to wait for you.
Ladies, sometimes the dating jungle can be discouraging, overwhelming and unnerving. We meet a few holy phonies and begin to wonder if real, saved, single men truly exist or if they’re just a Sunday sermon myth.
We don’t always hear about these men nor do we see them in church but they are out there. I encourage you to continue in the fight for purity. In the same way that you are praying for a man of integrity and character, he is also praying for a woman who is noble and admirable.
Even if the no kissing thing, isn’t your thing, just be sure to keep your relationship with the God, the main thing. Continue being pure in heart. Continue to trust God with the desires of your heart and don’t give up the fight. At the right time, in the proper season, your desires for love and marriage will bloom into fruition, and every decision of abstinence will be worth the wait.
Be encouraged gorgeous girls! Every part of you is worth the wait!