How Do You Know When It’s Real?

Photo Credit: Daniel Brigido

Photo Credit: Daniel Brigido

One of the many questions I often get about dating and marriage from others is “how do you know when it’s real?”

Well, I’ll know it’s real when my passion for Jesus prompts his heart to thank God for me instead of turning him off.

Not everyone is okay with me being crazy about Jesus and that’s okay with me.  I understand that everyone isn’t meant to be part of my destiny so everyone isn’t going to be a match for the desires of my heart.  I understand that me destiny was custom made for me and that my blessings were tailor made for my hands.  Therefore, only a special kind of person can walk beside me as I complete the race that God has set before me.

You see, my love is a blessing and the opportunity to be the object of my love is an even larger blessing.  In fact, anyone I decide to love becomes blessed just by receiving it.  So, I wouldn’t dare water down my love for Jesus just to make a man feel comfortable or excited about being with me.

As young men and women of God, I believe it’s important to identify our values before playing with the idea of dating and courting because if not, it leaves us in a position to settle or compromise on the things that matter most.   Furthermore, we’ve got to know what’s important to us, and be able to identify what cannot be negotiated in order to articulate it to those who desire to be with us.

We’ve got to know our deal-breakers to avoid a broken heart. We’ve got to know our non-negotiables in order to preserve and protect our purity.  And we’ve got to know who we are and what we stand for in order to guard our hearts.

I hear so many people ask “how will you know when it’s real?” and the answer is simple.  For me, Jesus is my “Real-O-Meter.”  He’s the litmus test for my love and my hand in marriage.  If you can’t handle Him, darling you can’t have or handle me.  It’s a packaged deal and my love does not come separately. 

God is a significant part of my life and it makes me happy to strike up random conversations about him with others! When that happens, I know that I’ll need to be with someone who’s comfortable with those kind of conversations.  I know that I’ll need to be with someone who won’t feel like hiding when the name of Jesus is spoken in public.  When a guy is cool with that, I’ll know that he just might be the one and if he joins in on the discussion with me…oh my Jesus!…you guys should probably expect wedding invites soon thereafter because my Real-O-Meter will have sprung to the top!  

Knowing what’s important and necessary for your heart is essential before dating and courting.  It makes the process run a lot smoother and saves you time and energy.  Be kind to your heart.  Get to know what makes your heart skip a beat before skipping down the aisle.

Take time to discover how you’ll know when it’s real for you…

Love,

~ETE

=)

10 Comments
  • Courtney
    March 10, 2015

    Thank you for this word. When we seek God first (Matt. 6:33) we are told that gifts from God will be added unto us and a Gofly spouse is a definitely a gift from
    God. So we should all be concerned if someone doesn’t share our love of Christ, because that will affect our decisions and how we live our entire life. And we never waste time when we are investing in ourselves, that is great ground to sew a seed in and will yield a harvest every time.(Mark 4:8)

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      March 10, 2015

      Yesssss friend! Yesss!!! So good!

  • Roselyn
    March 10, 2015

    I love how you said about your love.
    “You see, my love is a blessing and the opportunity to be the object of my love is an even larger blessing. In fact, anyone I decide to love becomes blessed just by receiving it.”
    1 John 3 : 3″ See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.” As believers we are suppose to spread and share the love we HAVE received from Christ. The only way to do so is publicly profess His love. When we deny him, He will also deny us. And since we don’t want to miss out on His lavish and unfailing love, one can’t sacrifice on missing out His unconditional love.
    Great post Erika, you never disappoint on your post!!!

    • Roselyn
      March 10, 2015

      P.S verse typo it’s 1 John 3:1 not 1John3:3

      • ErikaTheEncourager
        March 10, 2015

        Thanks!

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      March 10, 2015

      I have to give Bishop TD Jakes credit for that one! He gave an awesome message at Lakewood last Saturday and during the message he said “anyone you love is blessed because of you. It’s a blessing for others to receive your love.” I had never looked at the power of love that way before that message but I do now!

  • challenyee
    March 10, 2015

    Hi Erika, Nice to see you’re still publishing articles. Just a thought that came to mind and that is you spend more time working out problems together rather than feeling more often that you are against eachother or fixing the other. There’s both in a relationship but when jn the beginning when both are bringing their “A” game, it’s important to respect that. The desire to fix someone else can cut both ways in terms of how God wants to teach us. It’s true the other person could be a scumbag or just not the right fit, on the other hand God may be trying to teach us to seek his peace in letting go of things that we ought not to be deceived to think we can control but to harmonize with. But the sense of working together and not against or with indifference . Tough , yes tough, but worthy of the refinement.

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      March 10, 2015

      Good words of wisdom my friend! Good wisdom! Thanks for sharing that with us single folks today!

  • Shondra Stewart Otoo
    March 10, 2015

    This is awesome
    And very on point

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      March 10, 2015

      Thanks so much sis!

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