Before I begin, let me state that this post is not about scorning men who are afraid of commitment. This post also isn’t an e-manual on why/how you should leave the man you’re in love with or the man that you desire to marry one day. Instead, this post is about you.
It’s about being brave and bold to see yourself as someone who is valuable. This post about daring to believe that you are extraordinary and rare, and then being bold to live in a way that reflects that image.
When I reflect on some of my previous relationships there are two that I wish I could magically erase. Not because the guys were jerks but because I wish I could get a “do-over” on some of the decisions that I made while in those relationships.
Relationship 1 (“Title-Free”): In this relationship, I allowed myself to be in love with a guy for about a year who never once called me his girlfriend. While I know some people think that titles are pointless, I disagree. I need to know exactly where we stand and who I am to you. Nevertheless, I allowed myself to fall for a man who insisted on telling me “I’m committed to you. I just don’t do titles.” For the first few months of the relationship, I was okay with the gray area because we were still getting to know each other but after about four months, my heart wanted more. However, I was so afraid of losing him and the relationship that I allowed him to basically keep me in a romantic friend-zone without a title.
If I could turn back the hands of time, I’d definitely re-do that relationship and exit immediately after he made his intentions crystal-gray clear!
Relationship 2: (“Foolish Love”): This relationship began well but after a year it was on life support. We had broken up over a dozen times and each time we got back together, he seemed to be less of himself. I noticed his gradual emotional disconnect and even observed him e-flirting (flirting online) with other women but I wanted the relationship to work so I ignored everything. I did so many crazy things in hopes of rekindling the flame but the relationship eventually died after about 18 months.
The common thread in both relationships came down to a thin measly string of self-confidence. Had I truly understood my worth and value, I would’ve placed those relationships on the chopping block sooner than later. But I didn’t. Instead I waited and waited, and waited, and waited some more for both guys to recognize my worth. I hoped and prayed that they would one day wake-up, come to their senses and realize that I was worth fighting for. I daydreamed about them surprising me with roses, declaring their love for me and having a sudden change of heart. None of those things ever happened but I continued to wait, and wait, and wait a bit longer until the relationships were beyond repair.
Today, I wouldn’t dare sacrifice my heart, time, love or attention to be with a man who doesn’t see me as the good thing that I am (Proverbs 18:22). Though I wish a magic do-over was possible, both relationships taught me to honor myself and to trust my small inner voice that tells me to walk away. I stifled that voice and dishonored that woman for far too long. I also walked in fear and played the waiting game with my heart for far too long.
Though, I’m single at the moment, I do know, a good man won’t find you until you see yourself as a good woman.
A good woman doesn’t allow her heart to be used as a waiting room. She does not allow a man with unclear intentions to waste her time. She does not stifle her voice to help a man feel more comfortable about stringing her along. She does not follow a man who lacks a plan or direction. She does not settle for less than she is worth.
A good woman guards her heart. She speaks with purpose and articulates her desires with confidence. She is not afraid of rejection. She understands that she is invaluable. She recognizes that her heart is to be handled like a precious treasure. She pays attention to red flags. She seeks God for guidance. She treats herself with honor and pride.
God has called you to be a good woman, and a good woman is inside of you. Know that you are a good and wonderful woman; and never settle for less than the things you’ve asked for in faith.
Prayer: Dear God, help us to be bold and brave to recognize the good woman that lives inside of us. Rebuild her character and image. Restore her faith and confidence. Renew her hope. Revitalize her passion and vigor. Remake her from the inside out until she shines just like you. In the name of Jesus, Amen.