When Things Aren’t Meant To Be…

Photo Credit: Erika Glenn (text) Color & Background: Hdwalli.com

Photo Credit: Erika Glenn (text)
Color & Background: Hdwalli.com


Have you ever been in a relationship that seemed to come to a sudden or unexpected end?  I have, and perhaps like you, I too, was left wondering why God removed the person.

Several months ago, I kept having dreams about a person that God removed from my life. This one particular week, the person appeared in several of my dreams each night for about three nights in a row. Each morning after the dream, I woke up thinking “what in the world is going on?” On the final night of the dream, I finally figured out God’s purpose for the dreams and wrote this post to myself.   As you read it, I hope it helps you to find peace in saying good-bye to the people that God has removed from your life. When you find peace God will be able to make room in your heart for a blessing that’s greater than anything you could ever imagine. (Ephesians 3:20).

*Note* The tone of this post begins as a reflective piece because I truly wrote it to myself at about 4am a few months ago, so please don’t be thrown off by the shift in the tone in which it’s written. =)

These dreams have been odd but God has used them to remind me and show me that things were not meant to be with Jim (just gonna call him “Jim” for today).   Things were not meant to be because of the type of relationship we were in. That kind of relationship was not God’s best nor did Jim give me his best.  God wants me to be with someone who gives me his best.  He wants me to be with someone who is so in love with Jesus, that he wants to love me the way that Jesus loves him.  For so long, I wondered if some part of me was the reason the relationship failed.  I questioned my beauty and at times, even wondered if I was enough.   However, thanks to these past few nights God has shown me that those thoughts are so far from the truth.

When relationships don’t work out it’s rarely because of who the person is…it’s deeper than that.  We are spirit beings that God has created in different shapes, colors, hues and sizes, and we’re wrapped up in a temporary place called a body.  The thing is, everyone’s inner-man (spirit) doesn’t look the same.  Some of us are as beautiful as a sunset on the inside, and others are as jagged as broken glass.  Therefore, when those relationships come to an unexpected, abrupt-end, it’s usually because what’s inside the person is not developed enough to produce a good and finished product.  For example, the person may have yet to fully open up his or her heart to God so that God can transform them.  So as result, during the relationship, you may deal with issues such as infidelity, dishonesty, aggression, and misdirected anger—things that are results of a hardened heart.

Like a cake that has not finished baking, God sees those areas that are undeveloped in the person and removes him or her before you indulge in an under-baked cake (bad relationship). The same way that it’s impossible to eat and enjoy a cake that is not fully baked, is the same way that it’s impossible to enjoy and prosper in a relationship with a person who has undeveloped or underdeveloped character.

God wants you to fully enjoy the benefits of being in a healthy relationship.  He wants you to be with someone who loves you as much as Christ loves us so, that he can commit to you.  He wants you to be with someone who loves you enough to transform commitment into a covenant called marriage.

When God removes a man or woman from your life, or when God ends a relationship, understand that it’s because of what’s inside the person. Try your best not to grow bitter or angry with the person.  Instead pray for them, because that’s really what they need more than anything else.  Pray for them to let God into the hardened areas of their heart.  Pray for the love of Christ to enter into their heart so that He can transform them, and so that He can make them better than they’ve ever been before.

Sometimes God pulls others away from us so that they can get closer to Him.  Always pray for your enemies and for those who hurt you whenever they cross your mind (something I began to do after reading “You Were Made For More” by Lisa Osteen Comes). They need the prayer more than you and I will ever know.

I originally wrote this post for myself and to myself.  I had no plans on ever sharing it but I had to ask myself “what good is God’s power when it’s hidden in a journal?”  This post is for anyone struggling to understand the loss of a relationship or the loss of a desired love. I never imagined that God would take the time to visit me in my sleep just to speak to my broken heart, but He did.   Not only did He make time to come see about me, He also made time to heal me. The same way that God visited me, is the same way that He too, can visit you.  The invitation starts with you.  Ask God to come into your heart and take over it like never before.   Tell Him about your fears, your doubts and your broken places. You’ll be amazed at the response that you receive from Him.   God bless you and may He bring you more joy and peace than you ever imagined was possible.

Scripture About Interpreting Dreams: One of my favorite bible stories is when Daniel interprets King Nebuchadnezzar’s dream.  See Daniel 2.  If God could give Daniel the ability to interpret dreams surely, He can do the same for you.




  • Courtney White
    November 20, 2014

    What a beautiful post. God often reveals himself in pieces and when He comes in a dream it is particularly special. I think His revelation to you about the state of someone’s spirit or heart is so important. We look on the outside of men but God looks at our hearts. (1 Samuel 16:7) We all have to be actively looking, listening, and paying attention to our environment so we can learn to discern the hearts of others. However the beauty in this is that this same skill helps us to discern our own heart and motives so that we can correct ourselves when needed. It is so wise to ask for spiritual gifting so that we can move in the direction God wants us to and be connected with the people that He wants us to be connected to 1 Kings 3:9. Thank you for sharing your special dream and development. May it be a seed of all that God is developing in you. For when the light shines out of you it can shine onto others. Amen

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      November 20, 2014

      I never imagined that God would bring closure, healing and understanding through a series of dreams. But He did, and I’m so thankful for it. Those revelations allowed me to find peace with the past. It also helped me to see that there are truly no limits to what He can do in our lives. He will always find a way to do exceedingly & abundantly above what we can imagine.

  • Anonymous
    November 20, 2014

    hi Erika,
    thank you so much for sharing with us , This was a heartfelt piece. To be really honest this is what i needed to hear ….. my Ex broke up with me a year ago and i was devastated….. i was so in love with him in fact am still in love with him and i don’t know what to do but that’s for another day . i kept dreaming about him every night .Through your post it opened my eyes that i needed to pray for him.Thank you so much .

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      November 20, 2014

      I’m so happy to know today’s post touched your heart. I’ve been at the place of devastation from heartbreak before too so I know how you feel. I didn’t have a clue as to how I was going to get through that time but a woman at church told me to use that time to get close to God. When she told me that, I remember thinking “that is not what I’m trying to hear right now” lol, but looking back I’m so glad that I listened to her. That was the best decision I could’ve ever made for my heart. I encourage you to do the same. You’ll be amazed at the things God begins to reveal to you. Also, a really good book to read when struggling with heartbreak is “You Were Made For More” by Lisa Comes. Such an awesome book! That book was truly a blessing to me!

  • Anonymous
    November 20, 2014

    hi Erika , thank you so much for that post .Its so hard to let go

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      November 20, 2014

      Thanks so much for reading. It is indeed hard to let go but I’ve learned (still learning) that God always has something greater ahead for us. The sooner we give our desires to Him, the sooner we get to receive the blessing that’s greater. <3

  • Anonymous
    November 20, 2014

    Erika , thanks for the amazing piece . i have a question after letting go can God bring the person back or is it time to say goodbye forever?

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      November 20, 2014

      You know that’s a question I’ve often asked myself…especially, when I was going through that break-up. I do believe that God can bring the person back. I know many married couples who at one point let go of their spouse during the dating relationship. They didn’t know how things were going to turn out but they felt holding on wasn’t God’s plan for that season of their life. Months/years later, God brought them back together. Therefore, I absolutely believe it’s possible but only when it’s God’s plan for our life. The key, is trusting Him enough to let go and give those desires (relationship/person) to Him. “Delight yourself in me, and I will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalms 37:4). I try to keep this scripture in mind whenever I’m tempted to hold onto something too much.

  • Roselyn
    November 20, 2014

    Wow this post awoken many broken hearts and I thank God for giving you the courage to be transparent with your readers! You are so blessed and it is such an honor to know you! There is always beauty that can come out of a heartbreak. The catch is one has to release his/her heart to God, so he can make beauty out of ashes. We should never underestimate the power of God. By holding on, we are telling God he is not powerful enough to give us his best. Whatever hurt you received from the person, though painful and difficult, best gift you can give to one’s self is pray Grace over the life of the person who hurt you. We don’t have the beautiful heart and souls we have just by default. It’s all because of God’s grace and mercy he has for us. Ephesians 2:8 “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, ”
    If God is able to work in you/us to be his light don’t doubt his power because he can also grant the person who hurt you a heart to be a better person. Even if you have parted ways with them, your prayers for them saves another woman from being brokenhearted.

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      November 26, 2014

      If someone told me that beauty could come from heartbreak this time last year, it would have been hard to believe it. I had to experience to see it for myself. I never imagined that I’d have so much love, joy and happiness right now but I do and it’s all because of Jesus and His great unending love.

      Praying for the ones who hurt us is by far one of the most challenging things to do but it is also the most rewarding. When you can look to God even in the midst of darkness, you’ll always find light. Thanks so much for walking with me and being a friend to me during that time last year. I appreciate it so much!

      I love you!

  • Tif "Mz. EXtra" Wilkins
    November 30, 2014

    Girl, you hit the bull’s eye with this one! If this isn’t my real life testimony….smh. Letting go of someone you love is never easy, but I was like the Israelites walking around the same mountain for seven years! Why? Because for some odd reason, we tend to think that we can convince God to change His mind because of our lack of trust in Him and our desire to push our personal agendas forth. I sometimes smh at the time I let pass me by in walking in disobedience, and the heartbreak I endured was unlike a pain I’ve felt to this day, but I thank God for never forsaking me and always blessing me in spite of me; although the devil had it out to destroy me, it was not until I was at my lowest low that God used my experience to reconstruct me. Won’t He do it?! Keep fighting the good fight of faith, girl! When you finally meet your Boaz, you’ll be happy you did 🙂

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      December 4, 2014

      That’s so real right there Tiff! It amazes me how God uses our lowest moment to bring us to our highest point of glory. One of my favorite scriptures is God’s promise to give us beauty for ashes. I hung onto that promise so tightly during my breakup last year because it too was a pain that I’ve never experienced before. Today, I feel like my life is full of unending beauty and I feel God’s favor chasing me down. I’m sure that you feel the same way. I had no idea that you went through a painful breakup as well but it reminds me of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. They were tried in the fire but didn’t even have the smell of smoke when they came out. That’s exactly what God did for you. You went through the fire of heartbreak but came out smelling sweet and looking like gold. God’s love and favor made you anew and now you’re here encouraging others and bringing happiness to their days! Won’t He Do It? Yes, He will! And YES, HE DID!

      I’m so happy you shared your story with me. It totally made my day & warmed my heart! I just love your spirit, spunk and passion! You are such a beautiful & bright reflection of God’s image. 🙂

      p.s. And yes, I can’t wait to meet my fine Boaz! Yours and mine are well worth the wait!

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