Are You Being Loved?

Photo Credit: Erika Glenn

Photo Credit: Erika Glenn

You ever come across something so good that you simply can’t keep it to yourself? Like, even if you wanted to keep it to yourself, it wouldn’t feel right because it was just that good?  Well, this is the feeling that came over me earlier today while perusing one of my favorite blogs!

A few years ago, I experienced a pretty awkward break-up and I turned to the local bookstore for some emotional healing.  Some women eat chocolate when they’re emotional, some watch sappy movies, and some do both!  I’m more of a curl under a blanket, sip endless cups of hot tea with a side of dark chocolate, kind-of-girl!  Therefore, this is exactly what I did after coming across the book “Boundaries In Dating.”  It’s a book that helps singles, young and wise, discover how to set appropriate boundaries while navigating the roaming hills of dating.   For me, it was exactly what I needed at that time because it helped me learn how to be a better caregiver to my heart.

Most recently (5-6 months ago), I learned that the author of Boundaries In Dating, also has a blog with excellent content. In fact, the author has a complete series of books on “Boundaries” in a variety of areas such as Leadership, Parenting and Marriage. I have yet to read those books but they’re definitely on my book-bucket list.

Anyhow, I was scrolling through a few archived posts on the author’s blog when I stumbled across a post entitled “Boundaries in Dating: Why Say No To Sex?”   At first glance, I expected the post to discuss the reasons a single person should say no to sex but I was pleasantly surprised when I realized it was actually about love.

I’m a girl who’s saved, single and saving herself for marriage, so just about anything on the topic of love catches my attention but this post was a bit different.  It’s a bit more meaningful, practical and heart-grabbing so I thought to share it with each of you.

As you read it, I leave you with one question worth answering…Are You Being Loved?

Boundaries In Dating: Why Say No To Sex?

Originally Posted By: The Boundaries Book Team 

February 13, 2014

If you have hung around the church for very long, you have probably heard that God wants people to reserve sex for marriage. If you haven’t and that is news to you, then we can understand the shock you might be feeling. For many people, both inside and outside of the church, it does not make sense. If sex feels so good, and is good for the relationship, and both people are consenting, then what is the problem?

Consider this viewpoint: When someone can say no to sex while dating, their behavior is a sign that he or she is capable of delaying gratification and exhibiting self-control, which are two prerequisites of the ability to love. If someone cannot delay gratification and control himself or herself in this area, what makes you think that they can delay their own gratification in other areas of sacrifice? What is going to curb the “I want what I want now” mentality in the rest of life? If someone is able to respect the limit of hearing no for sex, then that is a character sign of someone who can say no to their own desires and hungers in order to serve a higher purpose, or to love another person.

You fall in love with a person and think about making a real, committed relationship with him or her. Naturally, that is going to mean some sacrifice down the road. You are going to want to be with a person who can deny himself or herself for the sake of your relationship in many areas. Think of the areas of sacrifice that a relationship takes. There are sacrifices of time, when you might want to spend time on your favorite hobby, and yet the family needs you. There are sacrifices of money. One person may want to buy a new car, and yet the family needs money for the home. There are sacrifices of getting one’s way. One person may want to go to one place for dinner and the others want something different.

Most importantly, there is the sacrifice that it takes to work out conflict. One person is hurt and wants to strike back in anger or hurt, yet to reconcile, the ability to put one’s own desires aside for the sake of the relationship is necessary. If someone does not have self-control and delay of gratification in pleasure, can they delay the gratification of getting his or her own way in conflict?

Think about it. Wouldn’t you want to be with a person who can hear and respect the “no” of others? Having a boundary in sex while you are dating is a very important test to see if the person loves you. We have all heard people refer to the line “If you love me, you will.” In reality, you should say back, “If you love me, you won’t make demands that I do not feel comfortable with.” Love waits and respects, but lust must have what it wants now. Are you being loved, or are you an object of self-serving lust? Saying no is the only way to know.

We cannot overemphasize the value of dating a person who can delay their own gratification. If you are with someone who ultimately has to have what they want when they want it, you are in for a long time of misery. Choose someone who can delay gratification for the sake of you and the relationship. To the extent that he or she says, “I must have what I want now,” you are in trouble. Boundaries with sex are a sure-fire test to know if someone loves you for you.

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  • Roselyn
    November 13, 2014

    This is a great post you shared. May God bless you for your heart of giving and sharing selflessly. The flesh and the spirit are flighting against each other. But the beauty of this battle is the spirit given to us, was given by a man who said it is finished when he died for us on the cross. ( Meaning he has given us the tools to overcome this battle and we are not fighting for victory but FROM VICTORY). If we can always be reminded of our worth and love God has for us through the blood, we would not give in to the flesh and always take refuge in him and his spirit which lives within us. I read something yesterday which the author said
    “I’m married to faith but lust /deceit wants to be my mistress…
    But I keep telling her, I’m too broke to have an extra lady…
    So my friends when you see lust, tell her faith maybe tricky but she is certain!!!”

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      November 13, 2014

      I love that! Where did you read that? The real thanks goes to Boundaries! I love their material so much!

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