20 Things A Proverbs 31 Woman Is NOT (Part I)

Photo Credit: Erika Glenn

Photo Credit: Erika Glenn

Wouldn’t it be cool if music artists wrote songs about being a Proverbs 31 Woman, and those songs became hits on song charts?  It might sound corny but it would be cool to me!

Don’t get me wrong, I do like the melody of Beyonce’s “Flawless” but that song can’t show me how to be the wife, mother or business woman that I need to be in order to accomplish God’s plan and purpose for my life.

I don’t want to be a “dime.” I don’t want to look like a “bag of money”. I don’t want to be so I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T that I forget to depend on God.  Moreover, I do not want my daughter, cousins or nieces to aspire to become these things either.

My identity comes from God not the world (Genesis 1:26-27). I just simply don’t wanna wake up like this…

  1. A Worrier– One of my favorite verses in Proverbs 31 is “she laughs without fear of the future.”  Have you ever heard a person laugh at bad news? Lol, it’s almost scary!  Imagine telling a woman that her car is being towed and she bursts into laughter! You’d be over there like “ummm…is this girl crazy? She just lost her ride and she’s over there laughing like she ain’t got no worries!” (excuse my English).   When I think of this verse, this the type of scenario that come to mind. You know…those situations that leave you wondering how in the world God will fix it.  The woman in Proverbs 31 had a confidence in God that was so great, that her faith could not be shaken.  She truly had “no worries.” (Proverbs 31:25)
  2. A Gossiper– 
    Photo Credit: Life, Hope & Truth

    Photo Credit: Life, Hope & Truth

    The woman in Proverbs 31 has to be the most productive woman in the world! She’s a businesswoman, a wife, a philanthropist, a mother and much more. She knows a lot of information about things that are going on but what does she do when she speaks?  She speaks with wisdom and kindness (Proverbs 31:25). This woman’s ears are probably full of “juicy” information from all of the people she meets.  But, instead of using that juice to make useless liquid conversation, she uses that juice to water others’ ears with words of love and compassion. She doesn’t blab other people’s business.  She is discreet and she uses her mouth to be a blessing to others.

  3. Jealous/EnviousWhen I was younger, I was quite overweight and my least favorite place to go was to fitting rooms. I hated the feeling of not knowing if I was too big to fit into an outfit, but more than anything, I hated seeing other girls my age walk out the fitting room in outfits that were smaller than my size. It was an uncomfortable experience and it made me dislike shopping for many years. I constantly compared my shape to other girls, and I struggled with self-confidence for many years.  Over time, some of those feelings turned into jealousy and envy, and I envied friends who were smaller than me.  While there’s no exact scripture in Proverbs 31 that says this woman is content, it’s not necessary because the way she lives her life speaks for itself. This woman is so giving, caring, compassionate and loving, that there’s simply no room for jealousy or envy.   She’s so busy fulfilling the plans of God that it leaves no time for the thoughts of the enemy (jealousy and envy). When we focus on what God has for us, and who we are in Him, we eliminate opportunities to become jealous and envious of what others have and who they are.   If you struggle in this area, try making a list of the qualities that you admire about yourself. Write another list of the things God says about you in His word. Sometimes having a visual is all it takes to keep your mind focused and in the right place. (Habakkuk 2:2-3).
  4. A People-Pleaser If you haven’t learned by now, it’s impossible to please others, please God and make yourself happy, at the same time.  Someone and something is going to give eventually, so which one will it be?  The woman in Proverbs 31 understands this principle and it’s illustrated in how she manages and runs her business. The scripture says “she makes sure her dealings are profitable.”  The key phrase is “SHE MAKES SURE.” (emphasis on the SHE) Not her friends make sure. Not her husband makes sure. Not the news makes sure. Not the people in her neighborhood make sure…no, SHE MAKES SURE her dealings are profitable.  Each day she works, she works to ensure that her dealings are profitable because she understands that God has placed many things under her control. She has a family, a business, a house, a mortgage, a car, a child and employees that rely upon her.  Each one is counting on her to use her wisdom, knowledge and confidence in order to make the best deals. The only way she can accomplish this is to live a life free of people-pleasing.
  5. Ashamed- One of the worst feelings is the feeling that comes with holding onto shame and guilt.  But one of the best feelings is the feeling of freedom that arrives once you’ve confided in a friend or in God. This feeling is freeing and it’s one of the reasons Jesus died on the cross.  He carried your shame to the cross and let it die with him so that you wouldn’t have to live with it.   Can you imagine the woman in Proverbs 31, serving others, caring for her husband, and running a business with feelings of guilt and shame all day, every day? I’m pretty sure she would have a nervous breakdown. It’s impossible to manage that many emotions and tasks at one time.   A Proverbs 31 woman is not ashamed of anything in her life or in her past because she knows that she has been redeemed by God. She’s not ashamed of her credit score, her sexual past, her family or her decisions.  She lives life knowing that everything about her has already been approved by God.
    Photo Credit: Wealthy Women of Faith

    Photo Credit: Wealthy Women of Faith

  6. Fearful- “She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes.” (Proverbs 31: 21). This woman knows that God has blessed her with the gift of sewing and mending clothes (Proverbs 31:13) so she isn’t afraid of not being able to provide for her family.  Maybe you can’t mend or sew, but you can cook, write, dance, do hair, manage people, learn quickly, and do other things. God has blessed you with your own unique set of talents and gifts. Therefore, even when the economy is crashing and bills are going unpaid God has put you in a position of provision.  He’s blessed you with the ability to use your gifts and talents to generate revenue.  He has given you favor and He has written promises to increase you in every season. One lesson we can all walk away with today is that God is the God of more than enough.  We never have to fear lack because He alone is enough to meet every and any need.
  7. Confused– A woman as talented and busy as the woman in Proverbs 31, has got to be discerning.  She is constantly interacting with people in her community and negotiating business deals so, I’m sure she has come across a few crazy/suspect propositions from time to time.  So how does she determine which deal is right and which is wrong?  By using discernment.   We obtain discernment by spending time with God and reading the Word of God. The scripture says “faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God” (Romans 10:17).  A Proverbs 31 woman makes time to hear the word of God and in return, she receives knowledge, wisdom, understanding and discernment.  If you’re feeling confused about a situation or problem, spend some time with God and I guarantee that it will become much clearer.
    Photo Credit: BibleGodQuotes.com

    Photo Credit: BibleGodQuotes.com

  8. Wishy-Washy- I firmly believe that the author of Proverbs 31, could have written 31 more verses about this woman. Though each verse discusses a different attribute, each one is consistent in discussing that she is a blessing in every place, to every person and in everything she does. Her attitude towards helping others doesn’t depend upon her mood or on what’s going right or wrong in her life.  Her willingness to serve her community isn’t dependent upon her prestige or the level of praise she receives. Her enthusiasm about going to work isn’t determined by how well her business is doing. This woman is consistent in everything she does. She does everything with a spirit of excellence and a result she receives honor from both God and people. What areas in your life could use more consistency? Friendships, loved ones, work, tithing?
  9. Unreliable Years ago, I would always book an airport shuttle when catching a flight.  Mainly because it was cheaper than leaving my car at the airport and it relieved the headache of finding a ride from the airport.  I used a particular company for years until one day when the driver arrived late.  Not only did he arrive late, he also called multiple times to tell me that he was on his way but didn’t arrive until almost 2 hours later.  I was so frustrated that I wanted to scream! Fortunately, I did not miss my flight but I never used that company again nor an airport shuttle.  They were just too unreliable for me. It’s nearly impossible to build a relationship with a business or friend that’s unreliable. You can’t make plans with them, you can’t invite them anywhere and you certainly can’t count on them to do things because they are unreliable.  One of the first descriptions about the woman described in Proverbs 31, is that “her husband can trust her.”  This means that he can count on her to do what she says, and he can count on her to be who he needs her to be.  She is reliable, and as a result, God is able to put her in various positions of leadership where others rely on her.
  10. A Burden the scripture says “she greatly enriches her husband’s life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:11-12).  Have you ever had a friendship that just made you feel drained or one that made you feel stressed out?  Yeah, that’s not the kind of friend or woman you want to be.  We should be refreshers to those we encounter.  A great way to avoid being a burden to others with our problems and issues, is to live by the rule of WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) He should be our first problem-solver in all situations because it is He who is the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2).  Friends and pastors are great resources when life presents a challenge but no one can compare to the wisdom of God.

Stay tuned for the next set of 10! They’ll be posted next Tuesday, November 11th!  Until then, here’s a prayer that I’d like to say for each woman that reads this post today:

Dear God, thank you for the gift of life. Thank you for giving our lives meaning and thank you for blessing us with many talents and gifts. As we mature in our relationship with you, help us and guide us to become more like you. Reveal the areas of our lives that need to be transformed and show us how to be transformed. Surround us with believers to keep us encouraged on our journey with you. Protect us from unhealthy distractions and increase us in wisdom and discernment. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Love,

~ETE

=)

9 Comments
  • Anonymous
    November 4, 2014

    Yes!! My morning routine. Another favorite!!

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      November 4, 2014

      Thank you!

  • Courtney White
    November 4, 2014

    Amazing message on developing qualities that are so critical for women today. Proverbs 31 is full of life lessons and we can spend a lifetime developing her qualities and still have room to grow!

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      November 4, 2014

      So true! We are truly never finished growing, maturing or developing! Thanks so much for reading friend!

  • Anonymous
    November 5, 2014

    Very nice. Especially like the prayer at the end.

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      November 5, 2014

      Thank you!

  • Tif "Mz. EXtra" Wilkins
    November 11, 2014

    I finally got a chance to read this! LOVED every bit of it! And I learned something new about you with the jealous/envious blurb. Very transparent. Good status check reading for me. Thanks for sharing! I can’t wait to read the next one…hopefully sooner than later 😉

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      November 11, 2014

      Tif!!! Thanks so much for reading! I’m so glad you liked it! You’re my blog sister-friend! Eventually, I’d like to spice up my posts with a few videos like you! Your site is so much fun!

      • Tif "Mz. EXtra" Wilkins
        November 15, 2014

        Awe! I’m so happy that you consider me your blog sister-friend! I kinda stand alone on my lil’ island, so I’m glad to have “family” now 🙂 You’re the big sis for sure, though, ok? LOL! And do the videos! I’m sure we’d all love them! We can talk a lil’ offline about that for sure; I have some things up my sleeves to come I can share with you 😉 Love ya! Keep up good vibrations and keeping God first!

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