Just Because He’s Saved Doesn’t Mean He’s The One

Just Because He’s Saved Doesn’t Mean He’s The One

Photo Credit: Goodlife Zen Photo Text: Erika Glenn

Photo Credit: Goodlife Zen
Photo Text: Erika Glenn

I think one of the most difficult things to navigate within the church are relationships with the opposite sex. For some reason, there’s always this slight feeling of awkwardness when you meet someone who’s attractive at church versus meeting an attractive person outside of church (i.e. at the mall or a store).   It’s like the walls of the church morph your brain into silly putty and suddenly, you forget how to act and think around guys and girls.

I’m not quite sure of which sex is more awkward or if we’re equally weird; nevertheless, I do know that as women it’s easy for us to “catch feelings,” and romanticize relationships that are better left as friendships.  You know how it goes…we meet a cute guy at church who’s on fire for God, he strikes up a few fun conversations with us and pretty soon we’re toying with the idea that he could possibly be “Mr. Right.” Lol…why do we do these things?!?  So many of us have mentally married and divorced half of the men in our church already and the guys don’t even have a clue! Lol.

It sounds very funny but the serious side of this scenario is that many of us still have yet to learn and discern the qualities that should make a man a candidate for marriage. The reality is that being a possible “Mr. Right” goes much deeper than having a nice smile, stimulating conversation and attending church regularly.   However, this is often what we settle for and accept when dating.   Proverbs 31 provides a very comprehensive list of the qualities a wife should possess therefore, don’t you think it’s only fitting that God would desire for you to be with a man who possesses the same? I do, so let’s explore this for a bit…

We know what the bible says about wives but what does the bible say about husbands? Below are a few scriptures to help us discover those characteristics:

  • “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” (Ephesians 5:25). Characteristic(s): He is unselfish and loves selflessly.
  • “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.“ (Genesis 2:24) Characteristic(s): He is a leader.
  • “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7) Characteristic(s): He honors you and respects you at all times. He is patient and kind. He works with you and not against you.
  • “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23) Characteristic(s): He is loving. He is joyful. He is a man with inner peace and he works to maintain peace in your relationship. He is patient with his wife, family, friends, children and co-workers; and because of his patience he extends grace to others. He looks for opportunities to be good to others by blessing them. He is loyal and true to his word and to his relationship with you. He is gentle with discipline. He lives a disciplined life and has morals.
  • “As for you, Titus, promote the kind of living that reflects wholesome teaching. Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience.” (Titus 2:1-2) Characteristic(s): He is disciplined, wise and focused. He is a man of conviction and faith.
  • A deacon [man] must be faithful to his wife, and he must manage his children and household well.” (1 Timothy 3:12) Characteristic(s): He manages his finances with wisdom.  He leads his children with instruction, wisdom and guidance.

These are only a few things the bible mentions about men and husbands but it is full of so much more. As we review this list, we are able to see that being a potential “Mr. Right” is much deeper than a cute face and friendly disposition. Those things are just the beginning but the things of God are everlasting. God’s word provides the keys to a rich, full and satisfying marriage. It also provides us with the tools and wisdom to help us navigate our singlehood as we date.

If you’re currently interested in a man, I encourage you to take your prayers and desires to God. His word promises that He will give you the desires of your heart when you keep Him in your life (Psalms 37:4). Pray about the things in your heart before you give it away to a man because when you say “I Do”, you want to say it once and to the right person.

Prayer: Dear God, I pray for my sister who is reading this prayer. I pray that you bring wisdom and peace to her mind. Speak to her heart concerning the desires that dwell inside, and allow her to hear from you. Direct and guide her feet and bless her with discernment in speech. If there is anyone in her life who should be removed, we ask that you remove him or her right now.   Surround her with men and women of God who can encourage her walk with you. Give her strength to resist and abort the plan of the enemy and give her strength to walk away with boldness. Father, bless the desires of my sister’s heart concerning her husband according to your word in Ephesians 3:20. Heal her heart of any brokenness and restore those areas with love, hope and peace. Make her husband mighty in the land and in all that He does, in the mighty name of Jesus, Amen.






  • Alexandra
    September 8, 2014

    This was an amazing post! So many times we run into a man that possesses the surface qualities of what we are looking for: man of God, familial, intelligent. And we automatically think that’s him! I laughed so hard when u acknowledged the imaginary wedding and future we entertain and we do not even know this man on a deeper more spiritu level! It’s so true! I say a similar prayer all the time and I ask God for discernment. Thank you!

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      September 8, 2014

      Lol!!! Girl, yes! That song “In My Mind” by Heather Headley comes to mind lol. When guys tell me they’re saved I’m like “okay, and…” Before, that was enough, now, that’s just one point on the dating scoreboard lol. Thanks so much for reading! Love you!

  • Roselyn
    September 8, 2014

    Awesome post Erika you couldn’t have said it better, a man who invests time to build a relationship with God understands what it takes to know God and as a result will transfer it over and build a solid relationship with a woman. Why because he knows the benefit of investing since they are doing it with God. He will sew his seed, because he knows he needs to sew a seed to reap. A good seed” favored wife” reaps a good harvest” marriage”.A man with wisdom and understanding in and from The Lord knows a favored woman when he meets one, and will not wait or depend on his feelings “flesh” to tell him or to feel love and a connection, but rather he depends on the Holy Spirit because the Holy Spirit lives with him which is able fight against the flesh. If the Holy Spirit doesn’t live with him he will see a favored woman and miss his favor because he doesn’t have a relationship with God to identify her! Proverbs 18 : 22 “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
    Thanks for the enlightenment Erika!!!

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      September 8, 2014

      Girl, your post is a sermon!!!! There’s so many awesome nuggets in this! Sayyyy that!!! I love the way you tied a “good seed” into a “favored wife”! Hallelujah for that one! This is soooo good! Thank you for this!

  • Courtney White
    September 8, 2014

    I think we can all use a reminder to not awaken love until it desires Song of Solomon 2:7;8:4. It’s never wrong to be excited but if it causes us to stumble, we need to take a spiritual chill pill

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      September 8, 2014

      Amen! And I love “spiritual chill pill”! I’m gonna have to use that one!!!

  • Kailah
    October 22, 2014

    I am new to you blog and am reading old posts. This is so on-time…God just answers prayers in awesome ways. I have been struggling with this particular topic for a while now and this post has given a fresh perspective, really an eye opener. I thank you for the time you spend to encourage others! God bless.

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      October 22, 2014

      Hey sis! Thanks so much reading! I really appreciate it. We are truly blessed to be a blessing to each other!

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