Cable TV, Dating & Relationships: A unique connection…

So an interesting, little known fact about me is that I don’t have cable TV and I haven’t had cable in close to three years.  When people learn this information they often look at me like this lol!

DJ Pauly D

Going without cable doesn’t really bother me and it doesn’t cause me to feel like I’m missing out on anything.  Just about every show that I like can be viewed over the internet so my rationale is, why pay to watch what’s free?

I recently shared this rationale with a friend who asked if I had seen a popular show on TV.  After verbalizing myself aloud I realized that cable and relationships have a lot in common.  It relates to the principle of giving too much too soon.  There’s something about a person that gives too much too soon, that tends to make the other lose interest.

For example:

  • the girl/guy who gives gifts too soon in a relationship often makes his or her partner shy away.

  • the guy who says “I love you” too soon in a relationship pushes the girl away and causes her to feel like things are moving too fast

  • the girl/guy who has sex early in a relationship causes his or her partner to lose interest in maintaining a relationship

Why?

These things do not always happen because the other person is not mature enough to handle the relationship or because he or she is a jerk. They often occur because one person has done an act that asks the other to invest in a relationship before he or she has had an opportunity to identify it as being worthy of an investment.  In other words, they’ve been asked to place value in a person/thing that does not yet have significance or meaning to them.

This can best be seen in my rationale for not having cable.  It’s not that I think cable is useless, it’s more so that I do not have anything to create a sense of necessity and/or attachment. I do not have show that I absolutely cannot live without, and as a result I don’t feel that it’s necessary to pay for cable.  Additionally, many shows that are accessible through cable are also available for free via the internet.  Therefore, I have no incentive to invest in paying for a service that can be obtained for free.

Matters of the Heart

The same principle applies to relationships and is the reason why we are cautioned to guard our hearts above all else (Proverbs 4:23).  Our hearts are the gates to everything we value. They are also the outlet that allow us to experience feelings of attachment and desire. Therefore, we have to be cautious about who we connect and attach to.

When in relationships do others tend to take you for granted, or leave you early in the relationship?  If so, it could be that you are investing too much too soon.

Our desire to experience love and to be loved may cause us to do extraordinary things for others but if that person does not feel the same sense of attachment to us, we risk investing in a one-way connection versus one that is mutual.

Let’s explore my relationship with cable for a moment. If the shows that I watch for free on the internet began to cost I would be forced to make a decision.  I would be forced to determine the value of the shows and decide if it was worth the investment of additional dollars to view them.  The same applies to relationships.  If you were to slow down your investment, you would gain an understanding of how much he or she values you and the relationship.  Better yet, if you were to substitute your investments of time, money, physical intimacy and affection with an investment of God into the relationship, the intentions of the person would become VERY clear.  The direction of the relationship would also become much clearer; you would learn if the relationship is mutual or one-sided.

Cable, Relationships and the Connection they share

Like cable providers who offer free channels and features to obtain customers, some people will love you most when you offer promotional incentives (gifts, money and sex) but will leave once those items are no longer available.  I’d be curious to know how many customers actually pay for the free channels and features at the end of those promotional periods.  My guess is that the percentage is very low because those people had no sense of value or attachment to those things prior to receiving them.  Therefore, nothing was seen as a loss when the promotion ended.

Yeah but Erika, similar to a cable provider doesn’t every relationship involve a risk that the person will leave you after a period of time?

Great question! And the answer is yes!

However, when we give too much of ourselves too soon, we place our heart and feelings in a very vulnerable position. Therefore the best way to guard ourselves is to guard the most important part of ourselves–our heart.  We can do this by keeping God at the center of our relationships.   By doing things such as: praying together before meals to acknowledge his presence, attending church together, reading scriptures together daily, and having meaningful and purposeful discussions about what you are learning from God as you read and pray, you are able to allow God to pace your investment into the relationship.

If you’ve ever found yourself feeling like you give more than others when in a relationship, this can be a great way to alleviate the stress of a lop-sided relationship. Doing things such as those above, allows God to become the focus of the relationship and alleviates our heart from carrying the burden of the relationship.

Examining The Cable Connection in Your Relationship

Are you currently in a relationship where you have invested your heart, time, money, body and/or emotions?  If so, have you involved God while making those investments? Have you prayed and asked God to let you know his thoughts about the man or woman that you love?  I know doing so may seem scary, strange and even weird but it’s something that’s very important.  God has a plan for your life that he intends to fulfill.  As he unfolds his plans for your life, you want to be confident that you have made the correct choice.  More importantly, you want to be confident that your choice is God’s choice and vice versa.

It’s never too late to add God into your relationship.  If you’re nervous or afraid to involve God in your relationship, pray for wisdom but know that your heart is worth the investment.  You are valuable and anyone you are with needs to understand and recognize the same.  In making God a priority in the relationship, you are able to assess if the person is worth the investment of your time, heart, emotions and money.  You are able to identify similar values and morals.  You are also able to slowly asses if their principles match your long-term life goals.

Questions to Consider About Your Relationship:

  • Does my current girlfriend or boyfriend behave in a way that shows that they value me and our relationship?

  • Like a cable customer, will they only be loyal to me when I show a desire to make him or happy by buying gifts, going to expensive places or being intimate with them?

  • Would he or she stick around, if my cable connection became unstable because I lost a job or decided to change professions?

  • Is God an active part of our relationship?

Scripture: Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Prayer: God, come into my heart and my relationship.  Show me if this is the man or woman that you desire for me to be with.  Give me the confidence, boldness and courage to follow you if this is not the man or woman for me. I am going to do my best to trust you with the desires of my heart.

Be encouraged to keep a godly connection in your relationship. =)

vanity2

 

 

 

 

 

Love,

~ETE

=)

Note: this post is in no way endorsed by DJ Pauly D.

8 Comments
  • Courtney White
    February 17, 2014

    Amazing post Erika! I have learned time and time again that by involving God in our relationships, we learn the truth, whether we want to or not. As a pastor told me last week, we may have sincerity in our heart when seeking God in a relationship but the other party may not. And the reality is that time can reveal that the other person wasn’t sincere or it may show them they still have work on God o do before they can commit to anyone. I have never been lead astray when I involve God in my decisions. He always provides truth and protection and for that I am grateful! You are so timely and your message will bless those with a willingness to hear and understand.

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      February 17, 2014

      Thanks so much for reading my post today Courtney! It means so much to me. I learned a lot while writing this post and God revealed a great deal to me regarding my actions in relationships. I the wisdom that your pastor shared is priceless and very helpful. It’s a great reminder of the importance taking our time in relationships by allowing God to take his time with the relationship as well as the other person.

  • Roselyn
    February 17, 2014

    Thank you for such a knowledgeable post. If we could allow our hearts to think carefully and analyze our relationships from a spiritual perspective as you have conveyed, our hearts would be in such solid ground that it would be almost impossible for it to be broken. We thank God for using you as a vessel that encourages us to fix and work on areas which are bent in our lives. Sometimes we forget who is in charge and how he values relationships; therefore, defines the covenant of marriage in Genesis 2:22 “Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’ for she was taken out of man.”24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh”. If we would lean on our father and not lean on our own understanding regarding dating it would be so easier for God to unit man and woman together making 8 letters, for him to mold and build the 8 letters MARRIAGE as planned by God and intended for those who seek it!!!

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      February 17, 2014

      Rozzy, I love the way you broke that down about God uniting man and woman and creating MARRIAGE! Love that part! Like you mentioned, it’s all about leaning on God and not our own understanding. The more we lean on him for understanding the more we give our heart a break from leaning on us. Within God lies all the understanding and strength that we need. When we lean on Him, all that He has is transferred to us! Great reminder sis! Thank God for your wisdom and understanding =)

  • Alexandra Okolie
    February 17, 2014

    This post was absolutely on point and thank you so much for sharing!! Very enlightening and true!

    • ErikaTheEncourager
      February 18, 2014

      Thanks so much for reading! I really appreciate it. I learned a lot myself while writing it so I thank God for the wisdom and understanding! I love you chica! <3

      • Alexandra
        February 18, 2014

        Girl I subscribe to your blog! I read every enlightening post! So many of them feel like they were designed for me. But I strongly believe that’s God answering the questions in my prayers through you. Love u!

        • ErikaTheEncourager
          February 18, 2014

          Awww!!! You’re gonna make me cry like for real! That means so much to me! I’m growing and learning as I write each post. It’s so amazing that God is creating an opportunity for all of us to grow together =) xoxoxo!

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